UNTITLED

I am not much of a speaker; rather, I am an observer. For me, life is beautiful in ways not everyone can notice or realize. I like to keep quiet about it; that way, I have my own unique way of looking at things. 

When I was a kid, I didn't talk much. I was labeled as a shy kid. Maybe it was cute back in kindergarten, but as I reached my teenage years, it made me 'AVERAGE'—always confused (daydreaming), not very interested in class. Even though I knew many things, I didn't answer. Most days, I didn't want to be me. I just wanted to be one of those girls who spoke effortlessly to whomever they wanted.

But I kept everything inside. Then, one day during my 10th-grade exams, I blurted it all out—how unfair things were (or felt), how I hated being who I was. Nerdy, shy kid. But in reality, I was the opposite. I don't remember much of my younger days, but what I do remember is being unheard. By the time I realized all these things, I had already turned 18. Eighteen years of my life, gone. Unaware. It was one of the saddest days, realizations hitting me, with only one question: Who am I? 

I don't have a favorite color, favorite food, favorite subject—maybe because no one ever asked me? Maybe I didn't even know myself. Things were very difficult; I lost myself in the crowd to people unknown. I felt like a moving shape to myself. I never introspected; life was going as it was.

Then COVID happened, and I started realizing things. I lost any friends I had. There were so many things I learned about myself—my potential, how much I needed myself. In all those years of being ignored by everyone else, I did too. I forgot my existence, too. Life turned its course, and it was much needed. I may still be learning, but I promise never to give up on myself. To look after myself when no one else does. I don't want to ignore me or my true self.